Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
