I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
