the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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