I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
