How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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