I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Randomize
