When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
