In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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