You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
