I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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