you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
