why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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