i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
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I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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