took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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