its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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