I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
