WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
