i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
