Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
