It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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