Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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