my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
