I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
