Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
