i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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