Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
