Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
