Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
