I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
