Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
