You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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