Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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