This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
