my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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