Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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