dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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