Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize