Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
