hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
