My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
two words...techno handjob
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you had me at cake vodka
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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