I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
