i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
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Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
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Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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