Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
