I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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