his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
