It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
