my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
