is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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