I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We left an ass print on the piano.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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