new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
