Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
