Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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