Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize