i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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