Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
