ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
