I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
