dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
