I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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