Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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