ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize