Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
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I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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