apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize